American Cinema Trips
I was in America for the whole of March and while there I went to the cinema 8 times. Which I guess for normal people is quite a lot. Obviously now I’m really annoyed with dumb old past me because every time I feel like taking myself out to watch a film, I’ve already seen everything. Yeah. And you think you have problems.
So instead of whining about it I thought I’d use the spare minutes in a constructive way – by reviewing a few of said films. I should probably state that I’ve never reviewed a film before, and I don’t really read film reviews (other than the blog of the incredible Charlie Lyne) but I’m sure it’s really easy and a lot like reviewing music. In fact it’s better as with music most people have already heard the songs anyway, so why do they need someone else to tell them what it sounds like? (ooh controversial statement that hints at a deeper issue but we’ll skirt over it for now).
Cinema trip number 1: ‘Adjustment Bureau’ starring Matt Damon (maaattdaaamun) and Emily Blunt.
I really like Emily Blunt, she started her career with Sir Peter Hall so she’s well versed in Shakespeare but also isn’t scared of playing an English fashion snob as seen in ‘Devil Wear’s Prada’. AKA good range. Also she’s married to John Krasinski who plays Jim in the US Office and while I’d rather in real life he was married to Pam, I can let it go because Emily seems really down to earth and like she’d not worry about brushing her hair some days. In this film she plays a modern dancer (as opposed to what? A post-modern dancer? Is that just walking?) and while I found the weird kicky thing she does with her foot mildly distracting, it’s a good performance. Matt Damon (maaattdaaamun) on the other hand plays a senator who falls in love with Blunt and finds that this love completely changes him – he gives a speech directly after meeting her where he’s really honest about how people pick out his ties based on polling and obviously everyone in the crowd loves his honesty. Then he goes to a meeting the next day and something that’s supposed to happen doesn’t happen and he’s a bit early and as he walks into his friend’s office he finds these guys in ‘Mad Men’ suits and hats sticking nodes onto his friend’s head. I’d give it a 6 out of 10. What let it down is the scene where Emily and Matt go to a warehouse party on her free-spirted modern-dance-type suggestion, and while everyone around him is in day-glo and cargo trousers, Matt’s still in a suit and tie. All these ravers recognise him and slap him on the back, “Good job in the campaign dude!” “Hey I love your policies man!” I dunno, I just tried to think of Cameron or Clegg in the same situation and it made me really sad. Also there was a sex scene which isn’t gratuitous at all, but don’t go with your parents.
Cinema trip number 2: ‘Take Me Home Tonight’ starring Topher Grace.
I should have loved this one. It ticked all my pop culture boxes. Was it set in the 80’s? Yes. Did it feature a teenager/young adult experiencing a life crisis? Yes. Did it have the geek does good and gets the cheerleader/high school quarterback plot line? Yes. Does it feature a dance off? Yes. Does it star Andy from ‘Parks and Recreation’? Yes.
There. Top drawer surely? Homerun? No, it was pretty crummy. For one it just didn’t look right. Yes the 80’s was about legwarmers and cropped jumpers, but all the colours just seemed too bright and clean, the girls too beautiful, the boys too confident. Plus there was a heinous amount of drug taking and crass comedy, which I have no problem with, but in classic 80’s teen films it was only ever hinted at (like the best friend in ‘Better off Dead’ who freaks out when they go ski-ing and he sees all that snow “arrrgh so much white powder!!”). Plus it contains a really gratuitous sex scene. So definitely go with your parents.
This guy on you tube seemed to find it really life affirming so maybe it’s just me
camccorm 3 weeks ago”
Although misshockeygirljnr1 felt differently…
“um,im gonna graduate from highschool in 2 months and have no idea what to do after that o.O and now im scared”
Cinema trip 3: ‘Unknown’ starring Liam Neeson and January Jones
I couldn’t find the words to describe how little I liked this film so I drew a picture instead.
Cinema trip 4: ‘Rango’ starring Johnny Depp
We had to cycle everywhere in America because we didn’t have a car, and on the day we decided to see this we were running a bit late, and then when we got to where the cinema was supposed to be we couldn’t find it, and the woman we asked had no idea what we were talking about so when we finally found another cinema close by (probably the cinema we were originally looking for but we ignored that for the sake of our fragile pride) we were fully into ‘the programme’ and I was feeling a bit shaky because I’d drunk about 4 root beers on the way (I drank a lot of root beer in America) so I was enjoying that and being pretty dramatic – insinuating I was going to faint due to heart palpitations – eventually after much swooning we actually made it inside the screen and had missed the first ten minutes of the film. To be honest I didn’t really mind as I wasn’t that excited about seeing it, and was actually planning on falling into a sugar crash nap, but…to my annoyance, it was brilliant.
I can’t remember much about it but it definitely doesn’t have any sex scenes and I think you’d enjoy it even if you don’t like animated films and/or you’ve drunk too much root beer.
What am I saying, you can never drink too much root beer.
Cinema trip 5: ‘Paul’ starring Simon Pegg and Nick Frost
We saw ‘Paul’ in Texas, which is a lot greener than I imagined. Cool story. I used to really love Nick Frost and Simon Pegg but then a couple of years ago I went off one of them slightly for personal reasons which I won’t go into here (I had a dream one of them was really mean to me – like, really mean – and now whenever I see them I can’t forget the awful things they did to my subconscious). I was adamant that I wasn’t going to see ‘Paul’, for the reasons above and also because I thought it looked a bit crap. Since I’ve admitted bias I don’t think it’s actually fair for me to put my opinions about the film down on paper, so instead I’ll tell you about the cinema where we saw ‘Paul’. It’s called the Alamo and it’s exactly like a normal cinema, except they serve FOOD. You sit in your seat with a little bar in front of you, they give you a menu before the film starts and then you write your order on a little piece of paper and stick it in this special rack in front of you. Then they bring you your food. You have to eat in silence, obviously, and you can’t see what you’re eating, but it’s amazing. They also have special sing-a-long showings, Girly nights, and quote-a-longs. When we were there they had a special showing of ‘The Happening’, which is the most unintentionally hilarious film ever made. Whenever Mark Wahlberg said something especially ridiculous everyone would blow whistles and shout. Also instead of standard trailers they cut together their own special shorts using films/TV programmes that were relevant to the feature presentation. So we had clips of ‘Big Train’ and ‘Spaced’ and ‘Shaun of The Dead’ etc. It’s worth going to Texas just for this cinema, although the theatre smelt a bit like stale burritos. Whatever, they serve root beer bitches.
Cinema trip 6: ‘Submarine’
OK I think I’ve done enough reviewing for one day. I guess I’m just too thoughtful and articulate a critic to keep this up for eight films in one post. I will draw another picture to illustrate how I felt about film number 6.
(Did anyone else think the main boy looked in this looked a bit like Alex Turner? Coincidence? Conspiracy? WHO KNOWS)