Fashion with Jeremy
From: Elizabeth’s email address
To: Jeremy’s email address
Date: Last week sometime probably after lunch
This week I would like to ask your opinion on men’s clothes. See I’m worried there’s not enough fashion coverage on the blog, and since I know very little about fashion myself, I thought you were probably the most suitable person to cover it. Attached are some recent looks from the catwalk, if you could summarise your thoughts and send them back to me ASAP, I would really appreciate it.
All the best,
From: Jeremy’s email address
To: Elizabeth’s email address
Great to hear from you! Hope the lawsuit’s going OK. Thanks so much for your message – as you know I’ve been trying to break into the fashion world for quite some time now. It’s tough when no-one wants to give you a break!
This is a great look from the late Alexander McQueen, who alongside his wonderful fashion career also starred in films such as ‘Bullitt’ and ‘The Great Escape’. I really like it! The one on the left is very practical for warm weather, and cyclists will find it a very chic alternative to your standard hi-vis outerwear for night-time adventure. The outfit on the right is more suitable for court appearances (as in royalty, not shoplifting. Note to self: find outfit for court appearance for shoplifting).
Look no. 2
Note to editor: As I said in my earlier email, I’m not interested in covering ladies fashion, so the model on the right has no relevance to me.
Model on the left: I hate it! He looks like a dangerous assassin. He even has a holster for his knife for killing people with. Fashion designers, heed my call: hired assassins kill thousands of people a day! It’s inappropriate to adopt their aesthetic for your catwalk show, however tempting.
Actually now I look at it – now I really, really look at it – I have to admit. He looks good. It reminds of the outfit I wore to my uncle’s wedding:
Look no. 3
Look no. 4
I want you all to look at this photograph very closely. Not for the outfit, which is totally unremarkable in every sense. (Honestly, designers. This is supposed to be high fashion! Get out of the high street already!) No, I want to draw your attention to a very troubling trend in men’s fashion, one which is literally growing under our very noses. Smug facial hair is the scourge of the trade. Models are being thrown out in the street for refusing to wear a goatee. And when was the last time you saw a bushy beard bobbing down the catwalk? I have had testimonials from newcomers to the fashion world. One model, a fuller-bearded man, was told by a stylist: “If you don’t trim, you won’t win.” Facial hair in today’s cutthroat – no, shavethroat – industry is either non-existent, smug, or, like in the terrorist-styled example above, an afterthought, a JOKE.