‘Something Borrowed’ Vs. ‘Bridesmaids’

I went to see ‘Bridesmaids’ last week.  I think it’s fair to say we’ve seen the dawn of the ‘Womance’.  It changed me.  With that in mind the awesome ANNE T. DONAHUE has written the following – a comparison between Kristen Wiig’s masterpiece and that weird film with Kate Hudson being a bad friend in it.  Cool. 

So as Twitter would tell me, Elizabeth has finally seen Bridesmaids, so I now feel it suitable to sit down and reflect on my favourite movie of 2011 without the guilt of spoiling a film that an entire continent has been deprived of. (That, and I am a terrible manager of my own time.)

 But you know what? Anybody can write a review. And anybody else can write about the lessons to be learned from Bridesmaids (which I may or may not have already done). But you know what not everyone has done yet? Compared Bridesmaids with Something Borrowed. Two movies about weddings that are very, very different.

So let us go forth. Let us mock the shit-storm that is Kate Hudson’s latest choice, while embracing the wonder that is anything touched by Kristen Wiig. I believe in us, guys. And together, we’ll laugh, cry and eat our fair share of leftover Easter chocolate.

Comparison 1: Chick Flick Factor

Hey guess what: Bridesmaids isn’t a chick flick. And despite what the appearance of babely, babely Chris O’Dowd would have us believe, the story of Kristen, Maya and following one’s dreams is not about “getting the guy” or “getting to the altar” or “getting him to the Greek”. You know what it’s about? Empowerment. And women getting along sisterhood-style. And stealing nine dogs from a pretentious bridal shower. And Jon Hamm giving new definition to the word “BOOM!” This is a flick. You need not be a chick to enjoy it.

So that being said, Something Borrowed is a chick flick in every sense of the overused word. Think, “oh my GOD, go get the guy, girl because if your love is unrequited you might as well jump off a bridge because there is NOTHING WORTH LIVING FOR ANYMORE OH MA GAH”. Gross. No thanks. My friend and I sat curled up in our theatre seats afraid that the characters would reach out from the screen and touch us with their terrible-ness. This is why normal people claim to hate chick flicks/ chick lit – because movies like this are made. NEXT.

Bridesmaids: 1

Something Borrowed: 0

Comparison 2: Sisterhood Factor

First of all, let’s reclaim that word. Second of all, while Bridesmaids is about the abomination of Helen, everyone’s a human being. They talk! They have conversations. There are resolutions. Normal interactions ensue. This isn’t about “OH LET’S LAUGH AT MEGAN BECAUSE SHE WEARS A HAT” (okay fine, maybe a little bit), it’s about “Kristen Wiig, get with the program and let’s all talk like adults!” And guess what: THEY DO. Because while we’d like to believe that best friends don’t argue, sometimes it happens. But what sets actual sisterhood apart from girls wearing magical pants is the wonder of communication. IMAGINE.

Oh, want to know the basic premise of Something Borrowed? Okay, here goes: Ginnifer Goodwin likes this guy and he ends up dating her best friend Kate Hudson (the guy doesn’t get a name because my kitchen table has more personality than he does and my kitchen table doesn’t have a name yet, so whatever) and then he proposes to her and Kate Hudson is THE WORST, you guys, and because of that, Ginnifer Goodwin and boring fiancé man have an affair. BUT IT’S COOL, RIGHT? Because Kate Hudson’s a bitch? Because Kate Hudson is also having an affair and the wedding gets called off and THAT’S THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS YAY. Yep.

Gross. No thank you. This movie should’ve been called “how to be a terrible person 101 for Dummies”. Fail. Ure.

Bridesmaids: 2

Something Borrowed: 0

Comparison 3: Hilarity Factor

Okay, so if you’ve seen Bridesmaids you will understand that you will never, ever laugh as hard as you did when Kristen Wiig was on the plane and thought she saw a colonial woman. NEVER, EVER. You’ll also not be as embarrassed the next time you go to, say, a restaurant and get stuck in the bathroom because you have food poisoning. If you know what I mean.

So on that note, want to know how many times I laughed at Something Borrowed? Many. But not because I was supposed to. Mostly because Ginnifer Goodwin’s wig was b-a-d. And because I was laughing at the idea that my friend and I had paid to see this. And then I realized I wasn’t laughing at all, I was crying really hard.

Bridesmaids: 3

Something Borrowed: 0

Comparison 4: Wilson Phillips Factor

You know what’s not in Something Borrowed? WILSON PHILLIPS.

Bridesmaids: 4

Something Borrowed: 0

Comparison 5: “Single people are SO PATHETIC YOU GUYS” Factor

Bridesmaids – sure, revolves around everyone being paired up – but guess what: Kristen didn’t get Chris until she learned to be happy with who she was. He was all, “Nah be, I’m not down with you hating on yourself because then you’ll always feel incomplete” (to paraphrase and use Ice-T’s voice). And then she was like “you’re right”. All the dudes loved who they loved for WHO THEY WERE. None of this marriage, baby buggy, “you might as well shoot yourself in the face if you’re single” tripe. None of this “I’d love if you if you could be more like [Kate Hudson]”. NONE OF IT. It’s the movie you see when you want to drive with the windows down and sing Wilson Phillips or Hole really loudly and decide to get shit down. YEAH. 

Meanwhile, back in the Hamptons (literally) in the 1960s (I wish, because then the movie would’ve maybe have been a bit better or like Revolutionary Road because it was seriously that depressing but for all the wrong reasons), Something Borrowed taught the valuable lesson that if you are a single person, you might as well just curl up and die. And I mean, why not go for the guy that likes you by default because I mean, at least you’re not ALONE-alone then. Settle. Just settle, guys. Because lord knows Kate Hudson has been since filming Almost Famous. (I mean, WHAT HAPPENED, RIGHT?)

Bridesmaids: 5

Something Borrowed: 0

Overall score:

Bridesmaids: 5

Something Borrowed: – 3593686386

Basically, see Something Borrowed if you want to feel better about yourself because even if you’re the worst human in the history of the world you will be NOTHING LIKE THESE TERRIBLE PEOPLE. And then see Bridesmaids to remember why women rule and why if you’re going to steal a boatload of puppies, go for six and not nine.

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